I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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