maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize