last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I love having hate sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
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