if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
