she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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