yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
