farters have to be the big spoon...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
