Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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