We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
