This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize