And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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