where am i from again
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
