Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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