White coat. Heels.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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