hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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