Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
