I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize