my mouth tastes like poor choices
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
