His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize