I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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