My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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