Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
