Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Text me some of your sweat
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