Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
