I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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