i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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