I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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