That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
