i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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