Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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