So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
