saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
