I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
