I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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