Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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