well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
