i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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