We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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