i don't like sucking hair
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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