All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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