Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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