You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Everything about him screamed your future.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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