he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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