If i come over, it means nothing
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
