We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
