you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
