The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
