My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
