I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize