If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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