you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
