Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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