Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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