my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
