giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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