it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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