i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
