hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
