woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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