oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
