took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
