Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize