Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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