chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
