It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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