I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
