So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
