I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
