Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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