I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she looked like the before picture.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
