He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
