Where is the hickey?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
