That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
