i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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