your thong is hanging out like whoa
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
