If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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