This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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