Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
