I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize