if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
