alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize