Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
