um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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