Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
