Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
