I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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