wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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