I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
