miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Found your dick twin last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize