We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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