Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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