Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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