I hate all girls vehemently.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
