Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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