i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
