used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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