do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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