Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
