Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
