I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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