I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Princesses don't give blow jobs
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
