your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize